How It All Began

Growing Up In Southwest London: A Personal Story

My Minded Boggle Journey

Born and raised in the outskirts of South West London, I felt like I was different from the rest of my family. My childhood was far from perfect, and I struggled to control and comprehend my feelings. People often called me a cry baby or drama queen, making it difficult for me to seek emotional support during times of need. This caused me to ‘shut off’ from those around me and struggle to understand my emotions.

As I grew older

Adverse experiences I had faced caused gaps in my development, particularly in terms of emotional intelligence. By the time I reached my teenage years, I was completely out of control. I acted impulsively, was selfish, and displayed cruel behaviour, all fuelled by the anger and rage inside of me. This manifested in my social interactions and led to criminal activity and excessive drinking.

Initially, I was unfazed – no one could cause me harm.

I was immature and often unreasonable, and I didn’t understand why I acted this way. However, as time went on, my relationships began to suffer, and unbeknownst to me, my entire life was impacted. Driven by a desire for revenge against the trauma I had experienced, I lashed out indiscriminately, until one day, it became too overwhelming to handle.

When I hit sweet sixteen

I felt the weight of the adult world on my shoulders. Suddenly, everyone around me acted like I was a walking time bomb. And, if I’m honest, I was a bit unstable. So, I decided to take a step towards better mental health and sought the help of Connexions, a counselling organisation. It was my first time exploring the world of psychology, and it was like a lightbulb turned on in my head.

Becoming an Adult

Acknowledging mental health struggles

Is a challenging experience, especially when society tends to stigmatise it as a sign of weakness. For me, it was essential to confront my emotions head-on, I delved into research to understand my situation better. Initially, I focused on managing my feelings and finding coping mechanisms, but sometimes, my problems seemed to snowball and become overwhelming.

I decided to seek help

I went to my doctor where they told me they believed I was suffering from depression and was prescribed antidepressants. At first, I was hesitant to take them, but I now realise that taking tablets for my mental health is just as like taking supplements for physical wellness – they help to keep my brain and body healthy.

Initially, I believed that depression was characterised by a miserable life and a lack of desire to continue living. However, my knowledge of the condition was limited. But now, I comprehend that depression is, in fact, caused by a hormonal imbalance that can be addressed through the use of antidepressants. Unfortunately, these medications made me feel somewhat numb, almost as if I had lost my ability to experience emotions completely. I was unsure if this is a normal side effect, as I’m not familiar with the typical range of human emotions.

Eventually, I ceased the medication without consulting my doctor, and I began denying that I had a mental illness. I convinced myself that I was simply going through a difficult period and no longer needed medication.

What happened next

Everything was going well, for a while

I was able to navigate life’s challenges and adversities with ease, thinking I had cured myself. I was mistaken, as I soon discovered. Despite my growing knowledge and experience, I was blindsided by a mental breakdown – an avalanche of problems that just kept piling up. It was like trying to dig out from under a wall of snow. My breakdown wasn’t just caused by adult stressors like bills and housework; it was compounded by life-altering traumas and suppressed childhood memories that had resurfaced.

As a result, my mental health began to affect not only my behaviour, but also my feelings about myself and my life. Seeking help, I consulted a doctor who referred me to a local organization for a telephone assessment to find the best support available. Although I was offered a course to tackle my worries, I found group sessions redundant as they merely reinforced what I had already learned on my own.

Reflecting on my past

I could have benefited from more support

Despite my growing knowledge, when asked for one-on-one support or a more suitable form of aid, I was informed of a year-long waiting list. I was deemed less of a priority due to my self-awareness. Determined to continue my personal growth, I decided to pursue my own path and began studying a variety of psychology courses online at no cost in order to support my recovery.

My Journey in Child Development and Psychology

It’s been quite the journey exploring the fascinating world of child development and psychology. But let me tell you, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. When I first set out, I hit a roadblock right away with all those complicated concepts and brain-busting terminology. Even my trusty dictionary couldn’t help me get a handle on it all. So, I took a detour and dove into a comprehensive psychology course. And let me tell you, it was a game-changer!

Everything started to click

I could see the intricate links between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Before I knew it, I was speaking the scientific jargon like a pro and my dictionary was gathering dust on my bookshelf. Plus, the best part? My understanding of human behaviour skyrocketed, and I started to see positive changes in my own life.

My Journey to Mental Wellness: Tackling Setbacks Like a Pro

In the past few years, my mental health has been a real roller coaster. I’ve faced some tough blows, but I’ve also found some silver linings. The setbacks I’ve dealt with weren’t as daunting as before because I’ve learned new ways to cope. Nowadays, I can brave through the toughest situations because I’ve reached a newfound sense of stability.

Believing In Myself

No matter how rough the going gets, I’m confident I’ll come out victorious, just like I’ve done before. In fact, sometimes I look at those not-so-great days as an opportunity to put my mental muscles to the test. Of course, there are still moments when my mental health takes me by storm and knocks me off my feet for a while. But I’m getting better at spotting the triggers and taking action before things get too intense.

Embracing My Mental Illness

Learning to Adapt

Acknowledging my mental illness became the first step towards being honest with myself, which ultimately allowed me to adapt my life accordingly. Although there are still tough days, I’ve become more self-aware and better equipped to handle them. Throughout my journey, I learnt to rewire my brain, which hasn’t been an easy feat, but has led to significant personal growth.

Through this journey

I’ve become more accepting of myself and my circumstances, and have learned to navigate life in a way that works for me.

My journey has been filled with major breakthroughs like:

  • Spotting my emotional triggers and working to resolve their root causes

  • Tuning into my emotions and responding more mindfully

  • Knowing my feelings, their causes, and what I can do to manage them

  • Reacting less impulsively when my emotions flare up

  • A newfound ability to forgive

  • Addressing buried memories like a boss

  • Boosting my self-esteem and believing in myself

  • Thinking with more logic and reason

  • Being more caring and empathetic towards others

  • Learning through helping others

Taking the First Step to Self-Help:

“I want to do something about how I think/feel/behave”

Acknowledging that you need to make changes in your life is the first step to self-improvement. But it’s not always easy to be honest with yourself. Once you’ve got past that hurdle, there are many paths you can take to achieve your goals. As you explore our content library, you may discover overlapping information, which can be beneficial. It ensures that regardless of which path you choose, you’ll have all the relevant information you need to succeed.

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Tags: Personal Story
10 months ago

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